Do you ever just want to sit down and write something that isn’t real or really related to your life in any way at all? I do everyday. If I were to be completely honest with you, each day, my mind is filled with fictional stories. I alternate between being the narrator, the observer, and the main character. A random plot pops into this crazy head of mine, and I just plop myself right down in the middle of it and begin writing a story in my head. Once, I started writing a book. I got to the 8th chapter and gave up. I don’t know why I quit. I used to think I’d become the next Sarah Dessen. I’m a sucker for the little quirky love stories. Pathetic, I know. But, who doesn’t love a little escape from reality? That’s what books are for anyway. I can spend hours with my head in a book, picturing every detail of it, putting myself in the setting, being the main character. It’s kind of amazing what our minds are capable of. I can seemingly shut off what is happening in my life right now, and emotionally connect to these fictional characters. It’s craziness. So, I kind of want to try something different. I want to start writing a story. Fiction, of course. I don’t know what I’ll title it, or what will happen, or really anything about it at all. I’m just going to write down what I do in my head every single day when I’m zoned out in class or while I’m walking back to my dorm. If it’s interesting, well sweet. If it’s not, well hey I tried. So there’s my confusing introduction to a story which I still don’t know how to start. Um… let’s see.
Her eyes were fixed on something. I don’t know exactly what. She didn’t have that kind of blank look. It was completely focussed, as if she was trying to solve an algebra problem or maybe move an object with some kind of Star Wars type of force type thing. To be honest, I haven’t seen the entirety of a Star Wars film once. I just know about the whole force and light saber thing.
It wasn’t really an icy stare, although, her eyes remind me of one of those Ice Breakers commercials. They had that sparkly kinda blue that you can’t pull your eyes from when they meet hers. I remember thinking about how pale she was. She didn’t look like she got out a lot. Maybe it was her first time to ever see the ocean. It’s not like the Mississippi coast was some kind of noted beauty though. The water is muddy and cloudy. So, what was she so consumed in?
"Jude," my mothers voice chimes in.
I think I’ve been staring at my sweet potato for a solid 10 minutes.
"I asked you if you got any good shots at the beach today," she says sounding annoyed.
"Oh. Um. I got a few. There was this–" I stop myself. I don’t want her to get all mother hen on me about taking pictures of people without permission.
"Uh, there was this cool like red, wooden chair. It was good contrast with the–gray sky and stuff," I reply. Sounds like a pretty typical amateur photographer’s description of a photo. Definitely good enough to satisfy a mom who knows nothing about photography.
"Oh, I can’t wait to see them!" What a typical mom response.
I get up, clear my plate and head upstairs. Sitting at my desk staring at the photos of her, I can’t help but wonder why I haven’t seen her before. There’s only one high school in the area, and she has to be about 17. Maybe she home schools or she’s on vacation here. The vacation thing isn’t likely though. No one comes here, especially in the middle of January. But, why else would she be so consumed with our muddy coast? So weird. She didn’t even notice me taking photos of her. I was right in front of her standing in the water. That’s another thing; she wasn’t even close to wet sand. Who comes to the beach and stands 100 feet or so away from the water?
She looks like a statue in the full body shot that I got of her. Her so-blonde-nearly-white hair is blown across her nose and mouth to the left. All you can see is those eyes, looking straight out above the camera. If only I could see what she was seeing. Lord knows I tried.
Okay, that’s all I’m writing tonight. I’m sleeeepy. I don’t even know where I’m going with it, but I hope it’s not too boring.
Guys guys guys…I have so much to tell you. So much wonderful news that I hope will be of encouragement to you today.
My last post was about the desires God placed in my heart, and how I would stop at nothing to accomplish the dreams and plans He has for me. I talked about how I spent my first semester of college in doubt. In this post, I’m going to tell you why I should have never doubted God, and why you shouldn’t either.
I know most of you probably know the fig tree story from Matthew, but if not, here it is:
18-20 Early the next morning Jesus was returning to the city. He was hungry. Seeing a lone fig tree alongside the road, he approached it anticipating a breakfast of figs. When he got to the tree, there was nothing but fig leaves. He said, “No more figs from this tree—ever!” The fig tree withered on the spot, a dry stick. The disciples saw it happen. They rubbed their eyes, saying, “Did we really see this? A leafy tree one minute, a dry stick the next?”
21-22 But Jesus was matter-of-fact: “Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don’t doubt God, you’ll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you’ll tell, ‘Go jump in the lake,’ and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God.”
This story may seem like just a simple proof of God’s capability of miracles to his disciples, but it is so much more than that. He is capable of the smallest and the biggest of things. He wants us to have faith in Him and to stop doubting Him. I think most of the time it’s His timing that tends to throw us off, because we are very impatient beings…or at least I know I am.
I spent months thinking I was heading down the wrong path for my future, major and school-wise. I started off so confident in these plans that God had given me a vision of, and slowly I became very doubtful of them. I felt like God was holding back opportunities for me, and that eventually led me to believe that I wasn’t supposed to even be at the college I was at. Over Christmas break I spent hours looking at other schools, looking at different majors and different programs. I was desperate for answers and a defined path to take. I finally gave in, and gave my desperation to God. He gave me the assurance and peace that I was on the right track major-wise. But, I was still begging for clarity on what school I needed to be at. Was I in the right place?
The first week back at school, I visited a new church. At the end of the service, the preacher prayed over us, and suddenly I felt a warmth in my heart. It was confirmation from God that I was certainly at the right school. I didn’t question Him, although I still had tons of questions. I decided to meet with a career counselor that week. Best decision ever. I had a long talk with Daniel. I told him my dreams and the things I’m passionate about. I told him how I’d been struggling. He not only made me feel so much better about the path I was on, but he also gave me amazing connections! He ended up sending my Youtube channel to several people on campus in attempt to get my jobs to build my portfolio and to get some experience. God provided for me through Daniel.
The next week, I get an email from a girl I’d been dying to work for all last semester for my college’s blog. She was offering me a paid job to do what I LOVE and what was perfect for building my portfolio and getting experience. The same day, I get a call from my dad telling me that he had talked to someone, and I was getting an internship this summer at St. Jude (which just so happens to be one of my dream places to work at in the future). I also met with my new advisor, and she is absolutely wonderful. She assured me I was on the right path. In the same week, I was assigned a video project for CAB.
That day, God not only gave me all the clarity I needed, but He provided everything I had been asking for all in the same day. No, it wasn’t instant. It took more than an entire semester. But, it was all in His timing.
In Matthew 21:18-22, God may have been instant with his miracle, but that’s not always how it works. Remember, “So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we a will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit.” Galatians 6:9.
God knew I was not ready for these opportunities yet. I don’t blame Him for keeping me waiting since I was doubting Him so much at the time. He knows what I can and cannot handle at any one time. I know for a fact now, that I was not ready for a job, etc, last semester. How much time I wasted doubting Him!
Guys, I know we are all waiting for answers and for prayers to be answered. We all have something. Have faith, because He will come through in His timing, not in ours. Never doubt Him.
"Stay with God! Take heart. Don’t quit. I’ll say it again: Stay with God." Psalm 27:14